First, I'd like to know what rocket-fuel scientist decided to make toothbrushes that don't fit in the
toothbrush holders? Do toothbrushes with weird shapes make your teeth cleaner or easier to brush? And if so – why? I don't brush my teeth with the handle. Am I doing it wrong?Why do people walk around stores having
conversations on cell phones? I don't mean the guy who calls his wife from the dairy section and asks what kind of milk she wants. I mean the self-consumed idiot who thinks the world needs to share her frustration at
work or listen to her commiserate with an equally socially-challenged person about something her rotten husband did. Hey – how about giving your jaw a rest? Call your friend when you get home. Leave me out of your
social life. Please.
Since I'm on the topic of stores, why don't store managers hire people who actually want to work there? There's one store in particular that seems to staff the place with individuals who hate the
customers. The associates are always stocking the shelves and they stand right in front of the shoppers, pretending we aren't there. Excuse me – but if you want me to treat you with respect, how about treating me as if
I at least exist?
And then there are people who park their carts in the middle of the aisle and pretend they don't see you when you try to pass them. If your mother didn't bother teaching you rudimentary good manners,
then please stay home and inflict yourself upon your own family. They deserve you.
Please smile at me if I smile at you. I know I'm a stranger but I promise I am on no one's Most Wanted List. There's no ulterior
motive in my smile – I just feel better when I do it and look better, too. Frowning is hell on this aging face of mine, and it makes me feel like an idiot when I smile at you and you look right through me.
Since I
can't seem to get out of the stores – here's another one. For all of you new age mothers out there: Please do not teach your child a lesson in public. By that I mean when your darling throws a public temper tantrum,
please don't let him or her continue and "teach him a lesson" by ignoring it. Take him home. You can ignore him just as thoroughly there and the rest of us – who can't ignore him – will be able to conduct our
business without being subjected to his screaming.
And please, parents, when there is a waiting area in a crowded restaurant and your 12-year-old has his ample butt plopped down in a chair while a 70-year-old stands,
how about shoving the ill-mannered little slob up onto his feet so that the waiting senior can sit down? If standing is such a labor intensive issue with the kid, enroll him in a sports program. He needs the exercise.
Well, entirely without planning it, I've run out of space. And I still have more gripes on the agenda, so I'll finish this next month. In the meantime, if there's something I've left out you find particularly annoying
or ridiculous – let me know.
I'm an equal opportunity malcontent.
